So, I was making muffins for Christmas morning breakfast and I realized that I was making them so big that I might not have enough batter to make more than eight muffins or so. I'm going to have just that many people here, so I'd like to have more muffins than that. I rummaged around in my cupboard and found the same exact muffin mix (yeah, I'm not baking from scratch this year) that I'd just used.



Except that it's probably been in the cupboard for at least...four years? More? I bet it moved over here with us from our old place and we moved in here three years ago. And then, I don't know how long it was in the cupboard at our old place. I have a real problem with buying too many of these mixes and then never using them.

Everything is super sealed inside and doesn't look strangely colored. I haven't opened the can of blueberries yet, so I don't know what condition they're in. I've turned the box and the can over and over, but could not find any expiration date.

Is this safe to make or will I be sending my Christmas guests to their lemon blueberry doom?

Dear Santa,

You are the prefect lie all across the world, I mean, how in the world can you get all around the world in one night by reindeer with a giant bag of toys for all the good boys and girls? How can you get into their houses if they don't have fire places?

Easy! All around the world in one night? PSH! Hello! It is called different time zones! So it makes it easier to give all the Aussies and whatnot their gifts first then go east to west. Duh. (Or is it west to east. Oh well!)

Reindeer? Clearly they are magical, duh.

The giant bag of toys? Well, you just packs them all up for the country he is going too then since the different time zones just goes back to the North Pole for a little rest and to get the rest of the gifts.

Fire places? Clearly, you use the front/back door. Suh.

See I have you all figured out Santa.

But I really need to know how you are treating those elves? All you do is check the naughty and nice list twice. So what?

The elves are working their little fingers bloody while you eat cookies and drink milk.

Don't mess with elves, they'll cut you.

From,
Casey

Dear N,

How many inebriated letters am I going to write you, honestly?

You were on my mind too much last night, all things considered. (Tonight as well, of course, but it's not quite so inappropriate to be thinking of you tonight).

There's still that part of me that's so convinced you feel something. (Half of my heart's got a real good imagination). Or why else would you still be prodding at me, putting in just enough contact to keep my latent hopes alive?

Goddamn, this isn't fair. You're always just on the edge of my mind, just barely on my thoughts, but you always stay there. I can't tell Colin I love him because it wouldn't feel fair to him- or myself, or even you- to tell him that even if I know it's true, when I still have these feelings for you. What the hell is this? What keeps us attracted, what keeps us coming back to one another? Why do we have to make it so hard for each other to forget? It's hard to explain my feelings for you- I don't want you, but at the same time, I want nothing more than to be back in your arms. I do love Colin, and I'm happy with him- but I can't lie. Sometimes my mind just goes away when I'm with him, and I'm back with you, I'm back on the porch. I'm back to the last day before school when I pressed my leg against yours and told you I'd stay for one last movie. I'm back to the anxious, anticipatory way you looked up at me when I got the movie out of the DVD player and shifted in your seat, suddenly struggling to find words to cover your nervous excitement.

("Don't say a word, just come over and lie here with me, cause I'm just about to set fire to everything I see. I want you so bad I'll go back on the things I believe- there, I just said it: I'm scared you'll forget about me.")

But I am so afraid you'll stop. So afraid that one day, you will move on and leave behind whatever nothing this is without a backwards glance. That you'll do as I've done and find someone to really be with, someone who is allowed to openly love you. One day you'll find a girl you actually like, and actually want to be with, and I'm going to look at her and it's going to hurt. It shouldn't, because I am with Colin, and you'd be doing only what I have been trying to do since April. But I feel like you can't- just can't date anyone- it would just hurt too much, it would be so painful and humiliating to see you happy with her when I can't be perfectly happy without knowing you're somewhere in the background.

What in the hell is wrong with me? I want you, I want you so badly, I can't have you, I don't want you. I feel like IMing you, though I know it's a horrible idea- the next contact attempt has to be yours, doesn't it? I feel like that's the way this game works- it's your turn, and I can't explain why. (This is all me being high, and half of this is probably irrelevant). I won't IM you tonight- it would make me seem too eager, as you only commented on my facebook yesterday.

I haven't seen you at all this week, which is weird, but I think that's probably a good thing. I will tomorrow, however. Will I wear my silver rings, or my gold? We'll see.

Ugh, fuck this entire letter! Fuck my THC-fueled train of thought- fuck myself and inability to be satisfied with the amazing thing I have now. Colin has so much potential to be amazing. If he'd stop making so many declarations of love and how I'm the one and such I could be in love with him, real love- not what I feel for you. That's not love, that's infatua-

No, it's love, who am I kidding?

Fuck you.

S.

PS: This is going on the top five of embarassing letters to you.

Dear you,

Do you say and talk about this stuff just to purposely make me feel like shit? Or is that just like an added plus on the side for you?

Sincerely,
Me

dear yous,

( blah, )

no love,
-your daughters bestfriend.




dear you,

( blah. )

love,
your bestfriend.





dear boy,

( blah. )

sorry,
your girlfriend.





dear family,

( blah. )

love,
your daughter/granddaughter/cousin/neice

Dear Self,

Welcome back! I missed you so much!

Love,
Potentially Accusatory Conceit

Dear Alex,

You lost your phone...again?!

Jeez...

But I'm glad to know that why you probably didn't text me back...cause it was sometime around then I think that I had texted you.

I'm glad you're doing better in school...Its about time!! You only have 2 years left anyways. If you do well now then college and everything will be a lot easier...

I think it would be good for you to go to college. No one really thinks you will do well, and you're sister never went and we all expected her to. But if you go, and make something of yourself, then that would surprise everyone. Even me :)

I really hope you do make something of yourself....and that maybe this summer I can see you :)

I wonder...if I still like you?

Who knows?

~D


J,

I don't know how I feel about you. One minute I think I love you, next I don't know.

So I know that I don't in fact love you.

I don't know if I still like you....

My emotions are haywire right now....

You and Alex both confuse me....I don't know who I like, who I don't, blah blah blah.

But I just think that I don't like you anymore.

And its a relief.

~D


S,

Fuck you too.

I'm sick of you and your shit.

Grow up already.

~D


Self,

Get something done!!

~Me

My boyfriend and I bought an Edwards key lime pie last night--the kind you thaw & serve. We bought it around 7, ate around 8, and then it went in the refrigerator. With my family, we usually put the pie back in the freezer instead of the fridge, so I'm not aware of how long I can leave this pie in the fridge until I probably shouldn't eat it anymore.

It's been almost 24 hours since it's been in the fridge. Still safe to eat tonight? Should I put it in the freezer afterward, or is the fridge okay? I was confused because it was thaw & serve, and well, it being in the fridge means it's been thawed this whole time, right?

I'd rather not risk it because the one time I did eat pie that had been in the fridge, I got sick. :(

Dear my two best friends in the world,

People think it is wierd for two guys and a girl to be a trio of best friends, but I mean, look at Harry, Ron, and Hermione?  I love you two so much, it hurts me to think about not having you with me after we all graduate this year.  Sure, we are all going to community college for a while after we go to school, but it won't be the same.  People always tease me and provoke me saying that girls just can't be FRIENDS with boys.  They can!!  I don't have a crush on either of you, and everyone else out there needs to see that.  You two are my brothers and it would kill me if anything happened to you.  Being with you all this week has opened my eyes to how much you two really mean to me. 

The little sister sends all of her love to her big brothers.  :)

Love, Me.

I vow to never play video games with you again.
Ten minutes = one team deathmatch game.
Twenty minutes = one sabotage game.
ONE game is like playing twice.

You turn into a jerk.
And I'm fucking done with it.

made a pate sandwich this morning for work (about 10am)... never got a chance to eat it at work. it hasnt been refrigerated. safe to eat now? (11pm) thanks :)

I have to sleep with a CPAP Machine with a nasal mask, which means that my nose needs to be really clear at night.

I have many techniques to do this, but my last line of defense is Afrin (well, in this case, Target's generic Afrin knockoff). It works really well, but it has a horrible "blowback" side effect when overused, so I only break it out when all else fails.

In fact, I've been so good at keeping my usage down that last night, after using it, I looked at the back of my current bottle and noticed it expired in November 2005. Still works tho (still half full too).

Does anyone know what happens to Afrin (0.05% Oxymeazoline HCL) when it gets old? I hate to throw away stuff that's still useful, can anyone think of a reason beyond "the stamp says it's expired" why I shouldn't keep it?

Dear You,

When are you going to realize that I need serious support and intervention on your behalf? I don't need words, I don't need you telling me that you love me (because we both know that's a lie). What I need is for you to take a moment out of your busy schedule and help me get back on my feet. But that's too much to ask, is it? You won't do it, I know you won't. I guess I am worth that little.

- Me

Dear you,

I honestly cannot apologize for the ridiculous way my friends and I have been acting tonight. It's late, we're delirious, and we're jerks. Everyone knows that. So, even though I know deep down inside that we're taking things way too far, I can't apologize because I definitely get my kicks from being a total asshole. Sorry. Not.

Dear you,

GOD. I can't stop thinking about you. I like you as a person. I definitely find you sexy as hell. I've been having those domestic fantasies (among other fantasies), but really. This isn't gonna work. I had planned to use this break to get you off my mind, but it doesn't seem to be working. You're girlfriend -- who's definitely a friend of mine -- would be pissed if she could read my mind. Just stop being so attractive, okay?

dylan,

you, are you next project. cause some guys are good.. but you could be great. i want to drive you crazy and make happy and i will not be brushed of gently. just saying..

Dear Sister,

Everyone laughs at the fat sister in a 'haha you could have been so much better looking' sort of way. People secretly pity you. "What a shame she didn't turn out like her sister."

I may weigh more than you do and you may be a motherfucking popular "well loved" scene queen (but it's lust, I assure you) but you have no right to talk down to me as if I an inferior. Don't talk to me like you are going through so much more than I am as if your life just means so much more. Your problems are not bigger, and even if they were they don't make you superior. Everyone goes through struggles. You are not elite for being 'burdened' with beauty.

I have moved out of the house, am living on my own with a job, rent, a band, taking care of a bedridden father that you don't give a shit about, and finding time to go back to college. You're still in high school at home where mom does your dishes. Do not talk to me as if you've seen so much more of the real world; as if you have this 'enlightenment'.

You make me hate pretty sisters. You make me hate thin girls.
You make me hate myself.

Fuck you,
To The Minute

Dear partners in crime,

Sometimes I feel like I should be jealous of you two.

You're both in happy relationships with your girlfriends and niether of you can see the day you're ever parted, which I think is both wonderful and completely adorable.

I'm not jealous. And I'm being honest.

I'm lonely, single, feel like no one in the world can love me for who I am, and yet I'm totally 100% completely purely happy for the both of you.

What I worry about the most is one or both of you breaking up with your girl and leaving your heart broken, because that would break my heart too.

Terra, I know it would hurt you the most because you moved halfway across the states to escape your abusive parents and be with your girl. I know you fear losing her because she means so much to you. I really honest and truly hope you two stay together forever.

Kitty, you're younger than both of us, in a relationship that I cheer on but have a tiny fear that because you're young it won't last, because mine didn't last and I know how hurt I was when they ended. I don't want you to be hurt like me.

I love both of you far too much to see you unhappy for whatever reason.

Love you two,
your boy Aki

Found a can of Campbell's Chunky soup in the back of my pantry, expired 1 year. It's clam chowder, never opened, no bulges/dents/scratches/etc. Smells and looks fine but I think the cream might be dried out a bit? Not sure since I haven't had canned soup for a few months.

I plan to boil the soup before eating, if it makes a difference.

What do you think?